Learning How and What to Memorize: Cognition-Inspired Two-Stage Optimization for Evolving Memory

Large language model (LLM) agents require long-term user memory for consistent personalization, but limited context windows hinder tracking evolving preferences over long interactions. Existing memory systems mainly rely on static, hand-crafted update rules; although reinforcement learning (RL)-based agents learn memory updates, sparse outcome rewards provide weak supervision, resulting in unstable long-horizon optimization. Drawing on memory schema theory and the functional division between prefrontal regions and hippocampus regions, we introduce MemCoE, a cognition-inspired two-stage optimization framework that learns how memory should be organized and what information to update. In the first stage, we propose Memory Guideline Induction to optimize a global guideline via contrastive feedback interpreted as textual gradients; in the second stage, Guideline-Aligned Memory Policy Optimization uses the induced guideline to define structured process rewards and performs multi-turn RL to learn a guideline-following memory evolution policy. We evaluate on three personalization memory benchmarks, covering explicit/implicit preference and different sizes and noise, and observe consistent improvements over strong baselines with favorable robustness, transferability, and efficiency.