When a neural surrogate cannot accelerate a solver: runtime share, closed-loop drift, and the economics of uncertainty gating in a stiff coupled simulation

Learned surrogates for expensive inner solver blocks are a widely pursued route to faster multiphysics simulation. We report a controlled, end-to-end negative result and identify three structural barriers, none of them a deficiency of the network we trained. The testbed is the implicit Newton solve coupling energy-dependent neutrino radiation to matter in a general-relativistic radiation-hydrodynamics code, its most expensive physics routine per call. First, per-call cost and share of runtime are different quantities, and only the second bounds acceleration. An exclusive self-time profile puts the target block at 16.9% of critical-rank wall clock, capping any surrogate at ~1.2x by Amdahl's law. A surrogate 5.8x cheaper per call merely ties the solver, and the configuration stable enough to run without fallback reaches only parity. Second, offline accuracy cannot rank surrogates for deployment: across fourteen networks the pooled Spearman error-versus-survival correlation (rho = +0.73) is a between-family confound that vanishes under control (rho = -0.04). Third, a correct out-of-distribution gate cannot accelerate a loop that leaves its training distribution. We give the break-even deferral fraction in closed form: because the visited states sit 73x off the data manifold, the gate defers 96.8 to 99.7% of cells, almost invariant to surrogate quality. Including its own cost, the gated loop is a 0.94 to 0.96x slowdown. We further separate stability from fidelity: a never-crashing gated run accumulates a linear -19.9% density bias over 6000 steps. The error is a directed, ballistically accumulating bias, not the variance-driven divergence the autoregressive literature targets.