Certifying Compressed Language Models: An Audit and a Statistical Toolkit

A fraction of a point of benchmark accuracy is the usual evidence that a compressed model is equivalent to its original. That quantity is least informative when two models are most alike: a net delta is what survives cancellation between opposing per-item changes, and cancellation is most complete in the regime equivalence claims occupy. Across an atlas of 1,707 paired model-by-task cells mined from public per-item evaluation dumps (1.3B-405B), churn runs roughly five times the net accuracy delta, and cells scoring identically to their baseline still disagree on individual items. In a preregistered audit of 17 equivalence claims from three registered frames (method papers, model cards, vendor documentation), 16 are eligible. None states a prospective numerical equivalence margin, and none releases task-matched per-item outputs, though 3 release outputs for other tasks only; 5 report too little to assess numerically, so a reader cannot check them at any sample size. We audit evidential sufficiency, not truth: no claim is called false. We supply the missing instrument: paired equivalence testing at a declared margin, with certification tables giving the items an evaluation needs, computed from disagreement observed under compression, not from independent-binomial variance. A controlled experiment pairs GPTQ and AWQ on byte-identical calibration samples across five seeds. Under the frozen eight-cell decision rule H3 is supported: changing the calibration draw was sufficient to reverse the observed method ordering in 5 of 8 confirmatory cells. The reporting standard we propose is five lines: declare a margin, run the paired test, report churn beside net delta, cite the sample size you met, release per-item outputs. It applies to any comparison between two models alike enough to be worth comparing. All per-item outputs, protocols and code are released.