# Ask Self, Ask Others: Relation Is All You Need

arXiv: https://arxiv.org/abs/2608.20172 · HTML: https://mlsanity.com/paper/2608.20172/

## Key facts

- No citing papers in the map yet (data through 14 Oct 2026).
- Builds on 21 of its 21 references that are in the map.
- First posted on arXiv 20 Aug 2026.

## Builds on (most cited first, 21 of 21)

- [Attention Is All You Need](https://mlsanity.com/paper/1706.03762/) (2017)
- [Exploring the Limits of Transfer Learning with a Unified Text-to-Text Transformer](https://mlsanity.com/paper/1910.10683/) (2019)
- [RoFormer: Enhanced Transformer with Rotary Position Embedding](https://mlsanity.com/paper/2104.09864/) (2021)
- [Neural Machine Translation by Jointly Learning to Align and Translate](https://mlsanity.com/paper/1409.0473/) (2014)
- [FlashAttention: Fast and Memory-Efficient Exact Attention with IO-Awareness](https://mlsanity.com/paper/2205.14135/) (2022)
- [FlashAttention-2: Faster Attention with Better Parallelism and Work Partitioning](https://mlsanity.com/paper/2307.08691/) (2023)
- [Transformers are RNNs: Fast Autoregressive Transformers with Linear Attention](https://mlsanity.com/paper/2006.16236/) (2020)
- [Self-Attention with Relative Position Representations](https://mlsanity.com/paper/1803.02155/) (2018)
- [Train Short, Test Long: Attention with Linear Biases Enables Input Length Extrapolation](https://mlsanity.com/paper/2108.12409/) (2021)
- [Retentive Network: A Successor to Transformer for Large Language Models](https://mlsanity.com/paper/2307.08621/) (2023)
- [Gated Delta Networks: Improving Mamba2 with Delta Rule](https://mlsanity.com/paper/2412.06464/) (2024)
- [Gated Linear Attention Transformers with Hardware-Efficient Training](https://mlsanity.com/paper/2312.06635/) (2023)
- [FNet: Mixing Tokens with Fourier Transforms](https://mlsanity.com/paper/2105.03824/) (2021)
- [Kimi Linear: An Expressive, Efficient Attention Architecture](https://mlsanity.com/paper/2510.26692/) (2025)
- [Transformer Quality in Linear Time](https://mlsanity.com/paper/2202.10447/) (2022)
- [KERPLE: Kernelized Relative Positional Embedding for Length Extrapolation](https://mlsanity.com/paper/2205.09921/) (2022)
- [Tunable Efficient Unitary Neural Networks (EUNN) and their application to RNNs](https://mlsanity.com/paper/1612.05231/) (2016)
- [Theory, Analysis, and Best Practices for Sigmoid Self-Attention](https://mlsanity.com/paper/2409.04431/) (2024)
- [Talking-Heads Attention](https://mlsanity.com/paper/2003.02436/) (2020)
- [HyperMixer: An MLP-based Low Cost Alternative to Transformers](https://mlsanity.com/paper/2203.03691/) (2022)
- [PoNet: Pooling Network for Efficient Token Mixing in Long Sequences](https://mlsanity.com/paper/2110.02442/) (2021)

## Abstract (arXiv)

Attention dominates token mixing, but it collapses relation formation and flow allocation into a single score-to-flow step. We introduce Relation, which separates them by first organizing pairwise evidence into explicit Self and Exchange relations and deriving information flow afterward. Relation first decides whether a token should rely on itself or draw from its history, and if it draws from history, where to look. This relational organization gives rise to Full Relation, FlashRelation, Linear Relation, and Hybrid Relation. Across matched decoder-only models, Full Relation achieves lower mean final-validation NLL than MHA and reaches the paired MHA final training loss with 4.5-7.3% fewer tokens. Structural diagnostics further show that Relation learns a distinct depth organization: the first layer acts as a current-token anchor and a high-rank router, while later layers shift strongly toward history. In a fixed-context reference benchmark, FlashRelation is 4.17-5.28x faster than the materialized Full Relation implementation. Across scale-matched production workloads, it reaches 89.7-92.9% of PyTorch FlashAttention throughput while executing the exact Full Relation operator. Hybrid Relation demonstrates that Full and Linear Relation layers can be composed within a single decoder. These results support a relation-first view of token mixing: ask Self, ask Others, then let Flow follow Relation.